Thanksgiving is coming quickly and the winter holidays are just around the corner. The holidays are a time of great joy but sometimes, they can also be a time of anxiety and sadness. Oftentimes we feel alone and we miss loved ones we wish were with us. While holidays are not always an easy time, research and common sense suggest that there is one aspect of the holiday season that offers something that can actually lift our spirits: expressing gratitude. Gratitude, a thankful appreciation for what we have, can decrease depression and is associated with greater happiness.
Research has shown over and over again that the actions of being thankful and of actively giving thanks have great benefits for our mental well-being. Dr. Robert Emmons at the University of California, Davis and Dr. Michael McCullough at the University of Miami have done much of the research in this area. In one study, they asked participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics: One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them during the week. The third group wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives than the other two groups. Surprisingly, those who wrote about gratitude also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation. Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has also studied the phenomenon. He also divided subjects into two groups: One group had to think about and express gratitude by writing and delivering a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness. The other group had to write about early memories and how they may have affected them. When the assignment was to write about and express gratitude, participants immediately exhibited a significant increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month! A study on couples conducted by Amie Gordon, a psychologist from U.C. Berkeley, also found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.
How is it that gratitude helps us? Our biology has one answer. According to research published in the journal Cerebral Cortex, gratitude stimulates the hypothalamus (a key part of the brain that regulates stress) and the ventral tegmental area (part of our “reward circuitry” that produces the sensation of pleasure). It also makes common sense that gratitude would be beneficial. By acknowledging the good in our lives, we remember that the source of that goodness lies, at least partially, outside ourselves. As a result, this understanding helps us connect to something greater than ourselves: God, nature, and our family and friends. Feeling and expressing gratitude also focuses us on the positive, which compensates for our brain’s natural tendency to focus on threats, worries, and negative aspects of life. Expressing gratitude also seems to inhibit our tendency to compare ourselves to others: If we are genuinely thankful and appreciative for what we have (e.g., family, health, home), we are less likely to pay close attention to what others have. The expression of gratitude also seems to encourage kindness: Grateful people are more likely to help others (maybe increased awareness of our blessings causes us to feel compelled to reciprocate) and less likely to be materialistic (perhaps appreciating what we have helps us become less focused on acquiring more stuff).
Choosing to be grateful can even bring out the best in those around us. Research at the University of Southern California showed this in a 2011 study of people with high power but low emotional security (think of the worst boss you’ve ever had). The research demonstrated that when their competence was questioned, the subjects tended to lash out with aggression and personal denigration. When shown gratitude, however, they reduced their bad behavior. That is, the best way to disarm an angry person is with a warm “thank you.” The practice of gratitude is incompatible with negative emotions and may actually diminish or deter such feelings of anger, bitterness, and greed. And this mental state grows stronger with use and practice!
There are many ordinary circumstances in which gratitude doesn’t come easily; however, we can actively choose to practice gratitude in our daily lives. We can start with the practice of giving thanks privately:
It may help to just think about someone who has done something nice for us and to mentally thank them.
Take a walk in nature or in your garden. As you do so, think about all the ways that our earth helps us to sustain life to feel happier and more comfortable. Focus on feeling grateful for the fresh air and water, the natural beauty of a flower, the peace that the ocean, lakes, or mountains give you, or the shade of a tree.
Think about how you can live a life that conveys gratitude for all that you have. Avoid the overuse of water or electricity, recycle, donate to charity, volunteer to help the needy, work in an animal shelter, or clean up a natural area. Get involved in your community. Living gratefully encourages us to feel good about our lives and be more aware of our connection to nature and to other living things.
Next, we can begin to focus on expressing our gratitude to others:
Write a thank-you note. Think of a person that has helped you in life. It may be a teacher, friend, parent, or mentor. Spend a few minutes reflecting on the ways they have helped you and the benefits you have gained as a result. Then write them a heartfelt card, call or visit them to tell them how their help has improved your life. If you are no longer in contact, write the card anyway and then keep it to remind you to feel grateful.
You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life. Make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter, note, or email a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself.
Consider keeping a gratitude diary. Write down a certain number of things you are thankful for each day. Avoid repeating the same things. This will make writing in the journal more challenging as time goes on, but that’s how your awareness and thankfulness will grow. You’ll be challenging yourself to find new things to be thankful for that perhaps you never noticed before.
In a nutshell, acting grateful can actually make us grateful and feel happier. Make gratitude a routine, independent of how you feel—and not just once a year during Thanksgiving, but all year long!
